It’s a gorgeous fall day, all the more so for being an hour away from going on retreat for 2 1/2 days, the first free time in what seems like months, all to myself. I am exultant, already shedding the pressure of routine, Felix care and unpacking boxes.
Destination is a village in Quebec where I booked into a little hotel in order to finish some of the shamanic training that I missed during the summer. I’ve packed food, two cleansing meals and the obligatory equipment that goes with shamanic work: drum, rattle, smudge, water bowl. Since a child I have been drawn to native lore and ritual–this is a deep gift to myself.
Otherwise, life has been stressful as I dig deeper into my pockets of unresolved emotional charge. My body is reeling with tension and digestive upset. I notice how closed I am with people, avoiding the triggers that send me into fits of insecurity, anger and dissociation. The practice is to thank the messenger and breathe into the discomfort until it integrates. It’s not pleasant, BUT there are moments of sheer bliss underneath all this held pain that pull me further on the path, down and in.
Practically, I am sorting through thirty plus years of stuff and lightening the load, reclaiming my life; working with Coral and Ashley to find harmonious ways to co-parent Felix; thinking about what might be here at the centre in another year…
The road pulls me!
Have a kind fall and hope to see you at the Carp Dinner Talk this Sunday.