by Katherine Willow, ND
It’s a Monday morning and I’m sitting at my desk in the clinic, overlooking icy snow covering everything outside. Probably no one will come in today so I can catch up on 300 emails, newsletter entries and planning for next month.
Next month is when I take time off to overhaul my schedule (and my computer skills) so that I can better balance my internal and external lives. Of course they are not separate–one mirrors the other. All my clutter and backlog reflect holding on for dear life so that I don’t have to face myself and the stark realities of insignificance and death.
I keep forgetting that underneath pain there is a clear space of bliss, acceptance and love where everything makes sense and there’s nothing to prove or fear. I’m in the natural turbulence of change, going back and forth between old and new until the new becomes real and I get used to trusting and letting go. . . the age-old process of spiritual growth. . .
December 21 is coming up, that long-awaited moment of transformation when our species is supposed to shift into a higher state. I can feel the buzzing of the new frequency permeating my cells, feel my mind opening, see how resistance causes suffering and as much as possible, surrender to whatever is on the horizon.
It’s the same process as always, but I sense there is more energy available for it. I don’t expect anything dramatic to happen, just more of the same, which can be pretty dramatic in itself.
People around me talk about beings from other dimensions who are trying to help; others who are trying to block our evolution. My mind expands to encompass new realities beyond our dear blue planet, beyond what I can see and touch.
Often I wake up in the middle of the night, pulled to my meditation seat where new information unfolds and I can understand bigger dynamics of the universe and where we fit in. And it’s still the same process of letting go and centring, learning to love and at the same time grounding into natural boundaries.
It’s messy right now, but I suspect it will become easier with time.
How to bridge everyday life with inner healing when there is no room in the culture for it? That’s messy too, just look at me! My poor staff is going a little crazy with me being so behind.
And yet, we continue to move forward here, taking time to breathe together before every meeting, doing what we can, keeping faith that we will emerge with a centre where others can come and undertake deep healing, supported by those who know the way.
In my family life, our household is filled with joyful preparations for Christmas, sibling rivalry as Felix gets used to Julie’s children living with us and frequent visitors, including a healing house guest whom we adopted as family, neighbours coming for healthy potlucks, people going through the same process of change and looking for support.
It is rich and full and I keep a semblance of balance with my meditations in the early mornings and before bed, dipping my mental toes into calm space, allowing myself to be nourished and guided as I learn to take time to slow down and listen. Holiday plans involve days of quiet as well as family get-togethers with dog-sledding, tobogganing, making a skating rink and introducing Felix to skiing.
A bright spot for me in all the turbulence is creating the Seasons program with Chelsey. We are committed to having the monthly retreat days be times of quiet and depth (not Katherine talking too much, grin), with information given as “homework” for the weeks in between, so that we can all dip into that well of quiet bliss we carry in our hearts.
Once felt, the actual experience of that space is one of the best motivators to help us transform gracefully with our planet.
May you have pockets of quiet, healthy treats and loving reunions over these holidays, and may the essence of Christ be with us over Christmas.
(with sincere apologies to those still awaiting email replies—they are coming!)