It’s Friday and I’m alone in the house on a hot summer evening, relishing this peaceful space and gathering myself for writing.
Last month I was grappling with fear of confrontation and I can’t say it’s solved, but that it’s progressing. I find myself creating small bridges in relationship that can then handle the bigger, potentially explosive issues. Stephen is most helpful in this, encouraging me to be more adult than I am sometimes inclined, blush.
The situation is pushing me to take meditation practice more seriously, an opportunity to face myself compassionately instead of hiding out. The vast pockets of wimpiness I’m finding are. . . well, real.
I’ve always been this fearful, just denied it in favour of more pleasant images of myself, hah! Now I can honestly deal with another layer. Breathe in calm, breathe out fear. Pray into Grace. Admit frailties to self and others. Love others. Take care of self. Reap small inklings of courage. Forget to breathe or pray and feel anxious all over again. Repeat process. Smile. This is not a quick fix.
Other than that, life at the ecowellness centre goes on: ploughing through mounds of expensive red tape to clear the way to building more homes; getting ready for volunteers and our resident, Chelsey Corrigan ND, who arrives next month; meeting about endless details with endless decisions that require more follow-up than I have time for; consistently NOT writing my book on German New Medicine; and finally, surrendering to the fact that I need more help with Felix and our household so that I can actually do this work in a sane manner (read help wanted post here).
Speaking of Felix, this almost 4 yr old grandson of mine is showing signs of nervous system overload, made clear when I started taking him to soccer, where he consistently flailed around on the ground with his eyes rolled up in his head, totally out of control, while the other little boys and girls dutifully kicked the ball back and forth with their parents.
I sent off a hair sample for a mineral screen and received back the most toxic results I’ve seen in my 30 years as a naturopath! Luckily we caught this early and he’s already starting to get calmer. Left alone, he would have landed an immediate ADD diagnosis and God knows what else. . . (I’ll write more about this in the next newsletter in the ‘Ask an ND’ column.)
In the midst of all this, even with being woefully behind in every conceivable way, I feel positive and hopeful, deeply grateful for the information we have about healing and spiritual development. As you can see by now if you read this blog, it saves my family and myself regularly!
Enjoy the summer and avoid cold food and drinks to protect your digestive system. Maybe see you at the next Open House Free Talk with lots of delicious samples of Kim’s healthy cooking (Sat, July 21st, 1-3pm — see the EVENTS listing near the top of home page).