Katherine Willow’s monthly diary
Our Christmas was challenging and yours truly did not step up in best form. My attitude was downright negative and I held in some pretty intense anger, feeling justified that it was a reasonable response to what had happened (the story is inconsequential), forgetting my repeated lessons that it is NEVER useful to STAY angry.
I paid for it with the most miserable flu in my life. Couldn’t eat, sleep or walk. Everything hurt to the bone. I was freezing and unable to get warm and so weak I couldn’t imagine ever feeling strong again. It felt like end of days and I was ready to leave! More bad attitude, I should know better. . . .
Finally I made the connection between my feelings and my body, but I felt totally stuck and couldn’t remember any of my tools. Or didn’t want to is more likely. Luckily it was a Wednesday and Gwen Rowbottom, one of our massage therapists, was working on Thursday and willing to come over to the house to give me a session of ‘somato-emotional release’ (SER).
It was gruelling — I sobbed, got in touch with deep pain, broke through to some crucial insights about love and then felt unstuck. Within two hours I felt 80% better. OK, point made, another chunk loosened, I’m ready to move forward again with a bit more awareness and considerably more humility. And thank you Gwen!
Two weeks later it was three year old grandson Felix’s turn. He started to act out with uncharacteristic rage, throwing things, yelling and screaming, not listening. Shocked, I didn’t even know what to do at first. Luckily we’re not allowed to hit kids anymore. I took him in my arms and held him while he raged safely. After 15 minutes he was calm and then he slept for 2 1/2 hours. When he woke up, I fed him lunch and he promptly threw up all his food — the classic healing crisis for an anger issue. Since then he has been fine in that regard.
Another story worth telling is the aftermath of Felix’s broken arm. He had two pins in his bone to help the healing and one was taken out without anesthetic with considerable pain. The other pin was jammed too far in to pull out and he had to go back to the hospital for an operation to remove it.
A week later this was accomplished, but Felix was no longer himself. He came home from the hospital with a fever, a bad cough, low appetite and a fraction of his usual exuberance. The only bright spot was that we were able to use remedies for the pain instead of Tylenol. After a few days of Felix not really getting better, I called our homeopath Veronika Zhmurko, who prescribed a remedy to antidote the anesthetic. The next day his cough was worse and he was covered in itchy hives and quite irritable.
At first I wondered what he had eaten or whether we had some new laundry soap, but then realized that this was the anesthetic working its way out. Within minutes of this realization, Felix calmed down and his hives were gone the next morning. He is still recovering his vitality though and it is startling to see how long it is taking. No wonder the doctor was doing everything possible to avoid anesthetic for him. . . .
This slow recovery means a lot of missed time at the Forest Preschool where Felix spends his weekdays and a lot of work time lost for me while I watch him. It has been a great opportunity to work with more of my anger and frustration in a different way, seeing that I can deal with this gracefully for the good of both of us. Right now Felix is quietly playing on the floor at my feet while I write and every once in awhile he climbs up beside me to see what I am doing. The last time, he pulled my face down to his and murmured, “You’re awesome Nana.” You too Felix, you too.